It has been quite here again. I promise there is a logical reason for that! With Matthew away on deployment the kids and I took an extended vacation down to NC for the holidays. We were there for Thanksgiving, Christmas, the New Year and for Conner's birthday. Of course we were looking forward to seeing all the family and letting the kids get to know everyone better. One thing that I did not anticipate happening while we were there was all the very natural and frequent mention of my mother.
You see my mom passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago. With us being a military family, we aren't around our extended family very often. My extended family are the people that knew my mother the best. They hold her in their hearts daily as do I, but it is a little different in NC. Different because they live in the same area that she lived and a lot of their surroundings can remind them of her.
While I was in NC there were so many places, occurrences, people and conversations that reminded me of my mother. In IL I don't get many reminders of her. In NC, I saw her in my Nina's (her mother's) house, I saw her in photos in many of my relative's houses, I saw her sitting in her favorite spot on the couch, in the bathroom straightening her hair, all over. These places brought back her memory so clearly for me. I remembered her while I drove from house to house, place to place and I thought of how we would eat here or meet there, about how she would bank there or grocery shop here. She was everywhere and no where at the same time.
What's more, the people talked about her. My mom was brought up in casual conversation regularly. From the, "Oh, I remember when your mother" to the "Isabella/Conner is just like your mother" and even "Your mother used to...". So many memories, so bitter sweet. Each time her name was brought up was both painful and freeing. It was refreshing to openly talk about her life and impact but it was also difficult to think that she isn't here to experience so many more milestones. A lot of times people feel scared or feel it's inappropriate to bring up a loved one that has passed for fear of making others sad or bringing up old wounds. I say, "Keep talking about her!" The more I heard about my mother the more I could recall her personality, her liveliness, her stubbornness (She definitely passed that one on to me). They brought her back to life for me, if only for a moment. I could remember her as she was when she was on earth and not jump to the scary circumstances of her death.
Sure it is painful to think about someone that is not with you anymore. But I realized in NC that it is important to bring up the good memories, the positive stories so that you can hold on to those and remember them fondly. It really is healing and though my mother has been gone over 3 years, I am still healing and will always miss her. Now that we are back in IL, I am going to try and purposefully remember my mother and share those memories with her grandchildren.
Life is about the acquisition of memories because in the end that is all that we will have left.
You see my mom passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago. With us being a military family, we aren't around our extended family very often. My extended family are the people that knew my mother the best. They hold her in their hearts daily as do I, but it is a little different in NC. Different because they live in the same area that she lived and a lot of their surroundings can remind them of her.
While I was in NC there were so many places, occurrences, people and conversations that reminded me of my mother. In IL I don't get many reminders of her. In NC, I saw her in my Nina's (her mother's) house, I saw her in photos in many of my relative's houses, I saw her sitting in her favorite spot on the couch, in the bathroom straightening her hair, all over. These places brought back her memory so clearly for me. I remembered her while I drove from house to house, place to place and I thought of how we would eat here or meet there, about how she would bank there or grocery shop here. She was everywhere and no where at the same time.
What's more, the people talked about her. My mom was brought up in casual conversation regularly. From the, "Oh, I remember when your mother" to the "Isabella/Conner is just like your mother" and even "Your mother used to...". So many memories, so bitter sweet. Each time her name was brought up was both painful and freeing. It was refreshing to openly talk about her life and impact but it was also difficult to think that she isn't here to experience so many more milestones. A lot of times people feel scared or feel it's inappropriate to bring up a loved one that has passed for fear of making others sad or bringing up old wounds. I say, "Keep talking about her!" The more I heard about my mother the more I could recall her personality, her liveliness, her stubbornness (She definitely passed that one on to me). They brought her back to life for me, if only for a moment. I could remember her as she was when she was on earth and not jump to the scary circumstances of her death.
Sure it is painful to think about someone that is not with you anymore. But I realized in NC that it is important to bring up the good memories, the positive stories so that you can hold on to those and remember them fondly. It really is healing and though my mother has been gone over 3 years, I am still healing and will always miss her. Now that we are back in IL, I am going to try and purposefully remember my mother and share those memories with her grandchildren.
Life is about the acquisition of memories because in the end that is all that we will have left.
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